Back to the Past
by Fuumura Shoko
Summary: This is the story of a man. A man who believed he could save humanity, who threw away everything for his chase of justice.
1. An Oath

So, well. How do I start this, hm? Okay, hello. My pen name is Fuumura Shoko. And this is my first fanfic here. This is a story I've thought about for some days ago and I thought it'd be good if I could make this idea a complete tale, even if it's a short one. So well, enjoy it, everyone.

**Back to The Past**

"When I was a kid, I used to want to be a hero of justice very much."

Said a middle-aged man in one night. A boy sat beside him. Those two, father and son, were watching the winter moon.

Hearing a statement like that coming from his father and dear idol, the boy frowned.

"You said you used to. So you had given it up?"

The man chuckled a bit. Even if the moonlight illuminated his face, a sense of grimness never leaved it. His body was that of a sick person.

"Hm, it's rather regrettable. Heroes have a time limit too, and it's hard to fulfill it once you become an adult. It would have been better if I realized that earlier."

_Because heroes can't save everyone._

That was the truth concluded from his years and years of pursuit.

"So you can't do anything now, huh?" asked the boy.

He laughed bitterly in his heart. "Yes. I'm powerless."

He wasn't, of course. The 'Magus Killer' was far from powerless. He was the man who could kill anyone, destroy everything, even his own emotion. Until five years ago, he destroyed the Holy Grail, and unwittingly let Angra Mainyu, also known as 'All the evils in the world' pouring down to the city in the form of burning lava. It took so many lives, so many things. Including his power, and his hope. Hadn't he met the boy, who miraculously survived, he would have been totally dead.

"If dad can't realize it because you're an adult already, then I'll do it. I'm young, so it's fine. Entrust it to me, Dad's dream –"

He glanced at the boy. Oh, how bitter. That dream successfully backfired at him. And now, this boy that had been a crutch for his life told him he would walk down the same path.

_No. You better not. You will just end up destroying your life._

He wanted to say that. But, the second he looked at that boy's eyes, he realized something.

Those eyes told him that it would be all right. A hope that he couldn't grasp now grew in those golden eyes.

The man exhaled. "Yeah, I'll be happy by then…."

And then, looking at the moon, the man closed his eyes. It was as if he savored the sweetness of the newfound continuation of his shattered dream. The dream that brought disaster to his entire life. The dream that took his beloved people away. The dream that one could consider it as a sweet lie. However, that very dream too, was his life. His hope.

_Maybe it isn't that bad. Even if Shirou walks down the same path as me, he won't become someone like me._

Calming himself, he fell into a deep, deep slumber, where he watched a dream that couldn't come true, forever and ever.

"Dad?"


	2. Walking Down the Path

In the small town in Italy, two people walked. It was an evening of December, winter for the Europe. The weather was chilling, but that wasn't enough to make them shiver and slow down their pace.

"This is the block of Benazio. Our destination." Said the shorter person between the two.

The other person tried to see the surroundings better. The lack of light somewhat annoyed him. But a second later, he stopped and raised his shoulders. Why should he be worry about it while the one telling him was the local magus?

"Okay. Let's go."

The two of them walked towards the building. The one leading and the aforementioned shorter person, was Anneta Rossace, the Magus of Space. She was a 30 years old magician who exceled in manipulation of space. She could teleport into one place to another with such ease and no time.

And the other one, of course, Emiya Shirou. He was known as Blacksmith Hero, as he fought by projecting swords over and over again. He was also known for his mysterious existence. He helped people here and there, saved them from danger, but no one knew his true intention, thus regarding him as suspicious person. He never talked to them, aside from the necessary.

Oh, yes. His intention was simply for the action of saving itself. He believed that the more he saved people, the more he would feel the emptiness in his heart, the guilt left for him as the only survivor from the fire years ago. His goal? Still the ever-not-changing hero of justice. At least he already got the 'Hero' part from 'Blacksmith Hero'.

"It seems that there are people living here." Said Anneta.

Shirou just nodded his head. A bit annoyed, she looked up to him.

"You don't talk, huh? I'm not much of a talkative one, but isn't it rather strange that we didn't talk one single thing apart of our name during our 5 hour travel to here?"

"Talking isn't my forte, sorry."

He calmly answered. Realizing that she couldn't argue with someone who _didn't talk_, she gave up and continued walking.

Suddenly, a ball fell down from a two-stories block. It hit Shirou's head. After a 'thump', it fell down to the ground. Seconds later, a girl with a smaller boy, possibly her little brother, came down and quickly bowed down.

"I'm sorry! He didn't mean that! I can assure you!" she said.

Taking the ball, Shirou just gave the ball to the little brother and patted his head.

"It's fine. You can continue playing." He muttered, and left the two siblings.

Anneta followed him quickly. "Well, so you do have some humanity."

_Some humanity I have, you say? Ha, so what I have been doing these years is for you? Some itty-bitty generosity?_

But he kept that in mind, never spilling it out.

Suddenly, the ground shook greatly.

"What?" He exclaimed, shocked.

"Don't tell me, it's-"

Anneta quickly grasped Shirou's hand and drew a rune with her hand on the air.

"_Trasportare: cinquecento metro, est. Concesso."_

A hollow hole appeared below the two, and they disappeared. The second later, they stepped in an entirely different block where they were. Strangely, here, although they did feel a tremor, it wasn't a big one like the previous tremor.

"So this place is much safer." Anneta muttered to herself.

"Where is this? And what was that?" Shirou asked.

"500 m to east from that place. That shaking was an earthquake." She answered calmly. "This part of Italy is often getting struck by earthquakes. Sometimes they give a pretty bad result, sometimes."

Shirou's eyes got widened. So that meant, it was a possibly huge earthquake? Everyone on that area could instantly be dead? And he just escaped safely and selfishly like that?

"No. I won't allow that."

"Huh?"

He ran to the west, towards that city. There might be something he could do. There might be something he could do to prevent it. Yeah, he was a magus, right? He could do any-

"_Trasportare: Quattro metro."_

Again, a black hole appeared below him and transported him to the same spot he was standing on. Realizing what the woman had done, he glared at her with rage.

"Don't disturb me!" He demanded with a cold voice.

"What in the world do you want to do? Save them? You will just kill yourself if you go there!" She scolded him. "Look, even this place's buildings get damaged a bit!"

Shirou looked up to the buildings. Indeed, there were small crumbles there. But that meant, that place should be much, much screwed than this.

"I will save them. I can save them!" He nearly yelled.

"C'mon! This is caused by natural disaster! By the world itself! What can you do? Pleading to it? Sacrificing your life?" She pinched her forehead in distress. "And what's there when you die? You still can't save people when you die!"

Shirou just gritted.

_Right. If I die, I can't save people. If I die, wars will still be on earth. Everyone will still die._

He took a good minute to acknowledge that truth he never thought about. While he fell silent and deep in thought, the shaking stopped.

"It's over." Said Anneta.

Ignoring her comment –and later, calling, with all his might, Shirou ran towards the previous block of city. Somehow, somehow he had to save them all. He had to make sure those people were all right. If he didn't, he wouldn't be able to bear the sin of running away safely from them forever.

Right at the gate, he stopped.

"Aaargh…"

Sounds of people screaming and dying.

A lot of people were crouching on the ground. The pavements and roads were cracked, even. Lots of them were hit by the parts of the buildings that fell off. Children's cry. Screams that calling names.

"Heeellpp… meee…"

Asking for help, yet not being able to move from their spot. They asked help to the wind.

Or to Emiya Shirou.

"Anneta, what should I do..?"

He asked the woman, who stood five feet behind him. She didn't answer.

Shirou gulped. He was flawed. He could save people from wars, but how could he save people from disaster? If they were left anymore minute, it would be possible that all of them would die.

Such thing wasn't going to be allowed by the man named Emiya Shirou.

_Hey, World, or Gaia, or whatever you are called. Listen to my words now._

_Let me make a contract. I shall give you my life after my death. I would like the compensation now._

He was speaking to the force of the world. He really meant that. For the sake of saving these people, and for the sake of tons later when he died, he would become the Counter Guardian and saved people more and more.

All for these humans he barely knew.

A light came to blind his view. For several seconds, he couldn't see anything. Then, slowly, it disappeared, revealing a heartwarming scene to him.

Those dying people started to wake up. One after another, they got up from the ground. The people who weren't injured much helped the injured ones. Mothers found their children. Brothers hugged their sisters. They helped each other with full humanity, calling all of this as miracle who strangely happened.

There was no such scene prettier than this for Shirou. He saved all of the dying people he could see with his own resolve. For him, who was already content with the act of saving itself, it was an immeasurable happiness to see people getting up and responding to his help. It didn't matter even if it was only a hundred or so. He saved people. That's it. He was already a hero with a sense.

"What? What happened? Everyone is alive?" Anneta gasped in confusion and amazement. "Lord, what miracle is this? Emiya, they are living-"

She stopped her words when she looked at the man's face.

"Emiya, did you do something to them?"

That question, if answered, would reveal everything.

"Nothing. Nothing in particular." He answered.


	3. Small reunion

"Medic squad #5! Over the north!"

Many people with white clothes were in the block of Benazio. An earthquake with the scale of 8.7 struck the small city some hours ago. While it was going to be a long night for the medical and SAR team, it was a miraculous one for its citizen. You see, all one hundred of them were safe. No one died.

A man sat on one of the building that was still standing. From his position, he could overlook the situation. He could watch the medic patiently treated the victims, or the man embracing his family on the other corner. For him, to be treated with such a scene was something worth his life, where people could live and be in joy because of it.

"Shirou?"

Someone called his name. His first name. The voice was very nostalgic, like it somehow came out from the memory of the past. He lifted his head up and turned his head, towards the one who called him.

A woman figure, covered in black cloak, stood behind him. Her long silky black hair slightly flowed in the air. Those blue eyes showed the signs that their owner never wavered.

"Rin?"

His heart leaped in joy. In this foreign part of the world, after he had strayed his way from home, he was allowed to meet his old companion again. Be it a coincidence or some sort of fate, he was happy to see Tohsaka Rin here.

"Shirou, is this really you? You really change!" She quickly babbled.

"You too, Rin." He replied.

She ignored his reply, though. For her eyes, this Shirou here was incredibly different with the Shirou she had always remembered. She walked around him.

"Your hair's white? Did you undergo a longtime stress after we part ways? It's strange since you are still 26 –same with me." She commented. "And your skin, how come it's so dark? And your eyes-"

She stopped midway, gulped a bit and continued, "They're really different."

_Hollow. Cold. _Those words weren't the right words to describe someone's eyes, especially one who was like they suddenly appeared after disappearing for a long time.

Shirou chuckled a bit. "Yeah. You see, it isn't because I sunbathed or became stylish."

"Projection." She quickly concluded. "You've always used that for years."

"Even until now."

Projection magecraft. One that Emiya Shirou had mastered over the years. He was great at imitating things that were seen by his eyes. Swords, even more. By using the Reinforcement magecraft, he could make the copies of swords out of nowhere and add deadly quality to them, such as sharpness and durability. Hence his name, the Blacksmith Hero.

"How are you, Rin?"

"Eh, me?" She averted her eyes. "Well, I'm alive and fine. The clock tower is always busy and I don't really have much time to think of nothing. So mostly, I'm fine and busy."

"You seem happy enough with that, though." He smiled.

Out of the blue, she blushed a bit. "Er yeah whatever. And you, Shirou? I heard that you've always been in the location where there are wars and miseries. Are you still living that ideal up?"

"Yes. I still strive for that."

"And you're happy with that?"

"Happy as happy can be. You can stop worrying me, Rin."

"Huft. It's not like I worry about a rock-headed man like you. You can fend for yourself, after all." She awkwardly flipped her hair.

He laughed a little. It was so good to see Rin with her usual soft-and-harsh personality.

"Despite your changing appearance, you really don't change, Shirou." She said.

"Neither do you." He told her and got up.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"Somewhere."

"Why don't we go to a café? It's 5 kilometers from here."

Shirou was about to turn that invitation off. But when he saw the glint of Rin's eyes, there was something that _begged _him to comply.

Or maybe forced him.

"Okay." He sighed and walked with her.

* * *

"So, you are still under the old man Kischur Zeltrech something?" Asked Shirou while he ate the cheesecake.

"Yup. He's a sadist." Rin gulped her cappuccino down. "One day he told me to extinguish a farm in fire by myself. I worked hard using kaleidostick and managed to do that, at the cost of most of my magical energy. Turned out that he made it himself, and actually, that fire didn't even burn."

The vibrating in Rin's tone sounded like 'Had not that mage been my teacher, I'd kick his ass off.'

Shirou laughed. "Hahaha, that's so you, Rin."

"Excuse me? I'm very sure that you don't mean it as compliment."

"Of course I do mean it. You're heroic."

The black-haired girl fell silent. She stared at the brown liquid decorated the milk foam that formed a butterfly –now torn because she drank it a bit, and started to speak again.

"It's been awhile since we talked like this, right?"

"Yes. Since the 5th Holy Grail War years ago." He drank his espresso.

"Saber vanished just as you got the grail. And Ilyasviel…"

"She died the next year." He finished. "I'm still feeling guilty over that."

"It was the fast degeneration in her body. You shouldn't be sorry for that, there wasn't anything you can do."

"But still-"

_But still, Ilya was Kiritsugu's daughter. Not only I couldn't make up for her loss, I let her die. I don't even know if she was happy or not._

He didn't answer anything. His heart was fueled with grief and guilt. He couldn't save what he wanted to save. For him, Ilyasviel von Einzbern was his biggest mistake. He remembered, the moment before he went from Fuyuki, in front of her grave, he swore that the silver-haired girl would be the last fault he would ever do. There would be no more like her.

He wouldn't let anyone in front of him die anymore.

"Hey Shirou?"

Shirou jerked her head a bit. Rin's beautiful aqua eyes were right in front of his face. He could even see his reflection on them.

"You okay?" She asked.

"Uh, err, yes, no problem." He scratched his head nervously.

Rin finished her cappuccino. "I see. Well, looks like you are picked up." Said her while averting her eyes to a certain direction.

Behind him, the magus of space was standing. She didn't say something, though.

"Okay, I'll be going too." Rin got up. "My works aren't done yet."

"Will we meet again, Rin?" Shirou asked.

She replied. "It depends on you, Shirou. Do you want to meet me again? Because if you really want to, we will meet somewhere."

Though sensing an ambiguity in her words, he decided to smile. "Okay. Farewell then."

The two went towards different paths. The leftovers of coffees and cakes were the only proof that Emiya Shirou and Tohsaka Rin ever had a chat, long after the 5th Holy Grail War ended.

* * *

I sincerely thank all of you who read this tale. And I do appreciate your comments and favorite-this-and-that thing. Sorry, I don't understand what it is called.

For Mr. Nxkris, from what I've read from your bio, it seems like your interest is about time travel. If there's anything I can tell you about what actually this story is about, it's just that this story is not about Shirou time-travelling. And if I may add, to be honest, that confusion of yours is exactly what I'm aiming at. So well, thanks for your comment and time for reading this. I appreciate it.

And once again, thank you for reading this, people.


	4. The End and the Beginning

It had been one year after the earthquake of Benazio. The small city had been back to normal. At least the buildings had been fixed. And some good mage did a secret activity to return the crack on the roads to normal. As usual, the citizens who were oblivious thought of it as a miracle.

Normal. Yes. Aside from one thing.

A lot of armored people in hood invaded the city. They brought weapons, like swords and spears. The bad news was that all of the weapons were enchanted with dangerous spells. Said spell was able to cut through many things, no matter how thick the target was, and made the blades very durable and light.

"All right! People of Benazio." Said the leader of the invaders, a bald man with white beard. "You must have known what our, The Marshals of Light's, intention is."

The city faced him with mixed anger and fear.

"The Relic of Cielo, the stone of peace that was entrusted to you, is broken!" He raised his spear. "And we would like a compensation for that."

"No way we can give you that!" A middle-aged man, seemed like the leader of the citizens, shouted. "We did a care for it! And I swear by God's name, none of use broke it!"

"Swear by God's name or anything! No one but you people touched it! Don't you understand that your area is under our jurisdiction! Don't you understand that by destroying Relic of Cielo, you declare a war!"

The leader was very mad. He faced his comrades and yelled. "Burn the city of Benazio!"

* * *

At the corner of the city, a man in red and black outfit entered the street. What he saw before his eyes was a battlefield. Women and children crying. Men crossing swords with each other.

"Trace. On."

His hands held twin swords, black and white respectively. His eyes focused on the fighting people.

As fast as a lightning, he stormed into the war.

* * *

Night came. The battle stopped for a while. The Marshals of Light had already taken place on the east part of Benazio. And the citizens took place on the west part of the city.

There were pained screams everywhere. The medics tried to heal the injured ones. Unable to watch it for one second more, Shirou went outside and sat on a hidden corner on a street.

Some men passed by. They lifted dead bodies, most of them drenched in blood. What caught his dull eyes was that one dead woman. He got up and got closer to the body.

Anneta Rossace. His acquaintance one year ago.

He didn't cry. But he knew his heart broke down with grief. Had he came a little bit earlier, she might have been saved.

"You know this woman?" A black-haired man asked him.

Shirou just nodded.

"Ah, if I wasn't wrong, you were with her one year ago." An old man appeared beside the magus.

"What did both of you do back then?" asked the man.

"We just… saw the Relic of Cielo. That's all."

"You saw it?"

Shirou nodded again. Without any words, he left.

* * *

"Shirou!"

The man looked up. Like one year ago, Rin showed up suddenly right in front of him. But now, her face was kind of dirty. Her cloak was thorn.

"What are you doing here?" She asked with a worry tone.

He replied solemnly. "Doing my job."

"What…" The magus couldn't find any words, then she gave up and sat beside the man.

"Ms. Rossace. You know she died, right?"

"Yes. I saw her."

Rin sighed. "It's all because of the Relic of Cielo."

"What happened, actually?" Shirou asked.

"The relic was found destroyed two days ago. As you had known, it's the peace agreement that sealed Benazio area under the jurisdiction of Marshals of Light. Well, all of the Marshals are competent mage with fighting skills. And the relic of Cielo itself was protected by a magic barrier."

"Then how did it break? Who did that?"

"Who knows? I suspect it's someone from the Marshals scapegoating the citizens. But I don't have any proof. As a matter of fact, they will fight to find the culprit between the citizen."

"If actually there isn't one?"

"By the time the Marshals realize that, it will be when all of the citizen die." The magus girl scratched her hand a bit. "They are all stubborn."

"Why? Is it really worthy to fight over a broken big stone? I mean, even if the relic isn't there, the peace pact shouldn't be lost, too, right?"

"The city of Benazio knew about magic, too. Once, after the relic was built, The Marshals of Light says that they will exterminate everything that endangers the relic. They need to keep their words true, if not, then they will lose fear from the other territories under their jurisdiction. Like I said, they are stubborn."

"I don't get it. People fight for weird reasons." Shirou scratched his head.

"You know that better than anyone, Shirou. You face battlefields."

There was a moment of silent. In the cold night, it seemed that the two were content by having each other by side. It kept them warm.

"Rin, it's not going to be long, right?"

"I hope not. I'll make sure to find the proof as soon as possible. I don't want anyone to die meaningless anymore."

"Yes, neither do I."

They stayed like that for the rest of the night.

* * *

The next day, the battle started again. The sounds of clashing metals were everywhere. Explosions and chants were heard all over the place. Everyone was fighting.

So was Shirou. He halted the movements of a bleached haired marshal. While another man stroke his magic-enchanted blade to him. But, then, a big, heavy scream was heard.

"STOP."

The battle amazingly stopped. A heavy trail of footsteps was heard. People slowly stepped aside, opening up a path from the one who walked to Emiya Shirou.

It was the bald, bearded leader of the Marshals of Light. And he held Rin with one arm, another one held a blade over her neck. Her face was very pale. If she wasn't being held, she would fell down right away.

"I heard that someone foreign ever came to visit the relic. And it was you, young man. Am I right?" He said with loud voice.

"Yes. I did come and visit it."

"Did you do anything with it?"

"No, why would I?"

"For some unknown missions you have on your agenda? Whatever. I don't believe you didn't do anything with the relic."

Suddenly, a yell was heard. It came from the old man from last night. "He's the culprit! He saw the relic of Cielo. He sabotaged it!"

Then another yell followed. And another and another. First from the citizens, then even the Marshals' knights also yelled.

Happy with the yelling, like it was the song of victory, the leader tightened his blade on Rin's neck. "Alright, Young Man. Choose! Confess your sin, or this woman dies!"

He looked around. People in unison declared him the culprit. When he looked at Rin in the eyes, she desperately said no. Then the magus woman moved her arm as fast as possible. Several gems were thrown towards the crowd and exploded, opening a path for Shirou to run.

"RUN, SHIROU!"

And then, the blade slit her neck. Furiously, the mad leader chased after Shirou. The white-haired man instinctive ran away towards the blasted area.

As he ran, he thought of an idea.

Anneta died. And Rin as well. He was now the scapegoat.

If he said that he wasn't the culprit, which was the truth, the citizens of Benazio would face a greater war. A greater war would result a greater misery.

If he said he was the culprit, the Marshals of Light was certainly going to bring him down He could be killed.

But if he said he was the culprit, a chance of peace for Benazio was certain.

Suddenly, the idea of him being a scapegoat became much appealing.

_Heh, maybe this is the time._

Shirou abruptly stopped. Without hesitation, he turned his back to face the noisy footsteps of the invaders.

"Indeed, people! I am the culprit! I destroyed the Relic of Cielo!"

All the invaders stopped. As if the wind halted, the silence veiled the atmosphere. Be it the cavalries of the Marshals of Lights, or the citizens who desperately grabbed their magically-enchanedweapons. They looked at each other, in confusion, doubt, and anger.

"You did destroy it?" asked one man with blond hair, half covered in his hood.

"Yes."

"You yourself?"

Before Shirou could answer, another yell came from a man with black hair, the one whom Shirou met last night.

"That man is the mastermind!"

A knight also yelled as well. "Yes! He's the mastermind! He must be the one who destroyed it!"

And another. And another. And another.

All the men in hoods stared at each other. After an unspoken agreement, one of them pointed at Shirou.

"Blacksmith Hero, _YOU ARE GUILTY!_"

"Hang him!"

"Execute him!"

"Kill him!"

All the curses started to pile up. They came both from the hooded men, and from the citizens. Those men rose up their swords and charged towards that one man.

Charged towards the person who saved them one year ago, at the very same place.

* * *

Here he was, standing in the pool of his blood. Numerous swords were stuck on his body. His breath was short. At such state, he wouldn't be able to heal anymore.

Around him was the pile of men, screaming and cursing his name. They declared victory over one single man. They told him off.

But that's okay, he thought. He did, after all, bring another peace between the two enemies. His life was worth for that. He was made for that.

And most of all, even if he was betrayed by the very people he saved, even if he had no one else in this world, something would always be by his side.

His ideals. His dreams. He would continue saving people.

_Hey World, I'm coming now. You better fulfill the oath._

Slowly, he closed his eyes. Embracing his ideal of a hero, he slumped down on the ground. Dead.


	5. Endless

_Emiya Shirou. This is the compensation of your wish. You're entering the hall of Counter Force._

A voice was heard. It was as if it talked right to his brain.

Shirou opened his eyes. Looking around, he was floating in an empty space, without any corner or even flying speck of dust. There was no bottom of it, no walls, no limit. It was just space devoid of anything.

Like him. The man who was slaughtered by the very people he saved, in exchange of this empty room and the voice booming in his head. It didn't sound good, but neither sugarcoating it would make it any less worse.

"Everyone's dead. And me too, so I died as well…" He muttered to himself.

_But that's okay_, he thought to himself. _I still can save people after this. I still have my dreams, my ideals. Even if there's no Rin or Saber or Ilya or anyone anymore._

Clenching his palm, he continued to listen to the unknown voice.

_Protect the world. That is your task._

"That is what I wish to do."

And a blinding light came in front of his eyes.

* * *

The first thing Shirou saw when he opened his eyes was a vast desert. That desert was similar to an ocean, only it was brown and it had no water. Wind blew away, bringing a faint scent of life.

He wasn't alone. A group of Counter Guardians stood beside him. Their faces weren't so much alive.

_Perhaps even Counter Guardian needs a comrade or so,_ Shirou wondered in his mind.

Near the place where he was standing, there was a pile of animal bones, presumably a camel. Also disturbingly, there was also a pile of bones with skull of human as the distinguished crown. Maybe they died of thirst

He gulped. Before they died, did they realize that 200 meters to their east, there was an oasis? It was a real irony, and how nice it'd be, if by any chance, Shirou passed and helped them.

Looking away from the bones, he faced the scenery before him. Two huge groups of humans were charging against each other. That, officially, was a beginning of a war.

Shirou automatically traced Kanshou and Bakuya. One second later, he charged towards the battlefield. One man tried to slash him, but Shirou was too fast. He deflected the man's sword and thrusted Kanshou. Right to the heart of the man.

His eyes widened in shock. He had never, in his life, pierced his enemy's heart as soon as he faced them. He never took a life as fast as that.

_Why?_

But his hands kept moving. That man fell. Another man attacked him from behind. Shirou's cloaked body shifted a bit, dodging the attack. Bakuya was swung, separating the attacker's head from the body.

_Why?_

A smaller man charged him with swinging ax. When he swung it, several energy blades were flying against Shirou. The Counter Guardian quickly deflected them with his swords, resulting the twin swords shatter along with the energy blades.

_Why am I fighting with humans?_

"Trace, on!"

Another swords appeared in his held. Soon, the man with the ax fell down. Without any intervention of anyone, Shirou fought and killed every single man who charged at him. He traced weapons again and again like he had no limit. All the time, he kept his face down to avoid the looks in his enemies' eyes. And the next time he truly lifted his face…

Blood, blood everywhere.

It was the first time Emiya Shirou saw the entire place swarmed in blood, and his hands also dirtied with the red color.

_Why do I kill them?_

Then he remembered the voice. The task. His task.

As he deteriorated into the thin air, he replayed the words over and over again.

_Protect the world. Protect the world. Protect the world._

* * *

The next ground Shirou stood on was the ground of ancient-looking temples. People in white old robe brought tridents and axes, running over and killing one another. It was impossible to identify if someone was anyone's enemy.

Turned out, it was a horrible civil war. People destroyed each other in mad furry. Children cried, women screamed, men killed. The once-golden-rice fields were now in fire. The temples that had been enormously divine were now destroyed and deserted. The citizens were no longer asking help from their God, or anything they once prayed to. They were running for their own lives, believing in their own power to save themselves.

Such detriment of morals would destroy the mankind. And exterminating it meant saving the world. That was the very task of Counter Guardians.

And so, Shirou killed. And Killed. Killed. Killed. Killed. Killed. Killed. Killed. Killed. Killed until no one was alive anymore. Killed until no one could endanger the world anymore. Killed until the blood completely covered the ground.

_Why am I doing this? Am I supposed to protect humanity?_

He wanted to cry. After a long time not using his tears, at the state of being dead, now the once known as the Blacksmith Hero wanted to cry so much. Ironically, even before his tears came out, he vanished back to the Hall of Counter Force.

* * *

_It said that it's to protect the world. But until now, all I've been doing is killing people again and again, whether I want it or not._

Shirou stared at the white snow. Or rather, he stared at the part of snow that wasn't covered by the crimson liquid. He killed again this time. Again and again until the white village became a solitary red hell.

He thought of the frozen environment. Once, he heard that Kiritsugu once lived in a similar snowy place, only in big castle. He lived with his wife, the homunculus and the vessel of the Fourth Holy Grail, Irisviel von Einzbern, along with their beloved daughter, Ilyasviel. They should have been a happy family. Weren't that for the stupidly corrupted Grail, they should still be living somewhere, laughing like a normal family could be. And Shirou should have been able to live as a normal human with his blood parents. That way, he wouldn't be in this place.

This was the first time he began wishing that things could be another way around. And if, by any chance, he wasn't a Counter Guardian. If, at some point, he decided not to pick up the ideals of Hero of Justice.

Suddenly, he heard a sound. He began searching for the source. When he looked behind a particularly big tree, a girl was there, clutching her knees. She was crying softly. It was too soft for a brutal nightmare behind her. Her skin was white, so did her robe.

She looked up at Shirou, who couldn't make any movement at all.

"Umm.. Hello." He greeted awkwardly.

In contrast, the girl started to brighten up. She smiled a bit, and then it got wider. She looked like Ilya very much. The happy Ilya who could dance all night if it's with Shirou.

_Perhaps this is what Kiritsugu felt when he found me_, he thought.

Shirou opened his arms, giving the girl signal to come to him. She complied happily. In hurry, she got up and ran to him with big smile. Just when she got close enough for him to hug,

"Huh?"

The last thing Shirou saw was her eyes –green, like emeralds– widen in confusion, as Kanshou touched her neck. In a split second, blood splattered from her neck. Even as she fell, he could made out the words she last made.

'_Onii-chan?'_

He fell into his knees. That was it. He couldn't take anymore from that point. He told himself that it was to protect the world, to protect humanity. But in the end, all he did was killing all the people that his eyes could see. He saved everything that he couldn't see, had never seen. But not even one child he could save.

_I see. So that's how it works. These people are sacrifices for the whole humanity, for the life of the world itself._

Tears fell down on the red snow. One, two, and more came.

"No, I didn't contract with the world for this…"

He sobbed.

"I didn't wish to protect the world this way..."

He grasped the snow, now red because of the girl's blood.

"I didn't wish to protect people, I just, I just don't want to see people crying anymore, I just don't want to see people hurting anymore!"

He looked up to the gray sky and howled. It was a long, hurting howl of a knight who had lost everything. Even then, the world was cruel enough that a scream like that disappeared right away.

He continued to curse himself. As he realized that the belief he held up for long was a paradoxical lie. To the ground he confessed that he was a fool. To the forest, he confessed that he was nothing more than a killer.

He began searching for anyone to be blamed. The citizens of Benazio, whom he saved and who killed him in return? Anneta Rossace, who triggered his mind into thinking of contracting with the world? Tohsaka Rin, for leaving him so early? Saber, for being an idealistic knight he wanted to be? Kiritsugu, for giving him the idea of Hero of Justice?

Then he came up with one name.

Emiya Shirou. The one who selfishly took the ideals and carved it into his heart.

If only, if only he didn't make that oath,

"I get it now. I'll kill myself. The young, naïve Emiya Shirou. So that I don't have to face this. Yes, I will search for a way back, and end everything before it starts."

The Counter Guardian EMIYA meant every word of it. And as he disappeared, his wish was left hanging on the air, waiting to be heard.

This is the story of a man. A man who believed he could save humanity, who threw away everything for his chase of justice, and who, even after he died, ended up being betrayed over and over again.

* * *

A divine, yet enticing voice is heard.

"_What is it that you wish for?"_

The spirit answers,

"_I want to kill myself."_

A portal appears on the ceiling of a red living room. A man with red cloak and black armor comes bursting out. The whole process involves explosions and stuffs that leave the room in a big mess. Silently, the man sits down on the ruined sofa.

Not long after that, a young girl in pigtails appears and looks annoyed.

"Well well, looks like I'm summoned by one strange girl."

The girl becomes really pissed off, and they end up in a quarrel.

But as he speaks, his head starts to think. This time, he doesn't seem to be summoned to 'save the world.' Oh right, something calls for him. The Holy Grail.

_Heh, how ironic is it? I remember that I was the master in this game, and now I'm the servant, _he says deep in his heart.

However, come to think of it, isn't it great? Something, in this case, The Grail, hears his wish and now he has the chance to realize it. He doesn't need the Grail itself to make it come true. He just needs himself, and a chance. That is all. All the more, his young master looks exactly like someone he knew back then. But still, he needs confirmation.

As the night passes by and the sun rises, he keeps making battle plan and estimations. He also does chores downstairs. Well, it sounds mundane, but it's great to be back at doing housekeeping again. He doesn't and can't do chores in the Hall of Counter Force, since there wasn't anything to clean. His very first command from his new master was 'clean up this mess', anyway.

Oh well, he has been cleaning up another nastier version of mess all this time. He needs a normal cleaning to do.

Finally, his master comes down. She looks at him with the stare of 'you magical heroic spirit doing the cleaning?', and then sips on the tea he has prepared. The look at her face is clearly saying that she hates admitting that the tea is good. It amuses him.

Now time for confirmation.

"Geez. Master, I think you forget the most important exchange." He says.

"What?" The girl answers with heavy eyes, mind truly running through the pages of summoning manuals.

He folds his hands. "You're not a morning person huh?"

"Oh yeah, names." The girl looks up, staring at him with her beautiful blue eyes. "Tohsaka Rin."

_Perfect._

* * *

So that is, people. Back to the Past, a tale of one man whose ideals were paradoxical and amounted to zero. The title itself means that _we_, the readers, are reviewing back Archer's past as Emiya Shirou. That's how I, as the writer, interpret it. Finally, thank you for sparing your time to read this. It's my pleasure to give birth to a tale, and have people understanding what I try to tell.


End file.
